


I Got You, Always

by Natta11



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Evan "Buck" Buckley, Consent is Sexy, Eddie Diaz is Bad at Feelings (9-1-1 TV), Episode: s04e05 Buck Begins, Evan "Buck" Buckley and Eddie Diaz Being Idiots, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Top Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), eddie is unable to communicate his feelings, eddie yells at buck's parents, idiots to lovers, it's okay tho because buck understands anyway, we all know how that ends, yes you guessed it they have sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:40:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29514030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natta11/pseuds/Natta11
Summary: They were out of the building, Buck was sitting in the back of an ambulance, Bobby and Hen by his side. Eddie was aching to talk to Buck, more than anything he wanted to be the one by his side. But he wasn’t selfish. He knew what Buck needed right then, and it wasn’t him. What Buck needed was to hear that he had people who cared about him, people who would always be there for him, who he could rely on.Eddie reacts, there's just nobody to witness it. Until there is.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 513





	I Got You, Always

**Author's Note:**

> After years of peacefully enjoying fanfiction as a reader, it just had to be Buck Begins that finally broke me. So please be gentle with me, I swear I'm trying my best. Then again, I wrote this today and only proof read it ten times so I could do better. Anyway, this is a result of some people on tumblr insisting Eddie didn't have a reaction. He did! He's just not as expressive as Buck so it wasn't visible from space. Still, our boy was the epitome of a protective husband in the episode. I blame Eddie I'm So Damn Soft For Buck Diaz for all of this.

Eddie had just taken most of his gear off when he heard Chimney ask: “Where’s Buck?” 

As if they all didn’t know perfectly well where Buck was. He felt his body shake. With fear or anger, he wasn’t sure. He had plenty reason for both. He was fuming with fury at Buck’s parents for treating him like he didn’t matter, for making him feel like he was nothing better than _defective parts_ , who does that to their child? He couldn’t help but be angry at Hen and Chimney too, for letting Buck separate from the rest of them, god knew Buck was in no state to even be working at all, let alone this, him alone. And he was scared, alright. He was terrified. Not that he’d ever show or admit to it, but he was. He was terrified for Buck, who more than anything needed to know he’s loved and appreciated. Not this, not being all by himself! How could they allow this?

In an attempt to hide his distress, his fear, he threw his hands up at Chimney and Hen in a gesture that said _and you let him?_

Then he heard Buck’s voice, reporting to the IC and he let out a sigh of relief, once again being able to breathe properly. Buck was okay. 

But then he said he was surrounded, lost, and Eddie felt like his lungs would give out at any second. He looked at Bobby, pleading, he didn’t care anymore. They needed to go back in, they needed to get to Buck.

There was an explosion.

Eddie’s heart stopped. 

Bobby gave a short nod, then they were all gearing up again, running towards the entrance. Eddie couldn’t will his legs to move fast enough. He knew it wasn’t humanly possible to run much faster with all the weight of his gear, but he had to try. And try he did, leaving the rest of his team a good few yards behind him, rushing to Buck as fast as he could.

When he saw him, finally, his first instinct was to make sure Buck was okay, that he wasn’t hurt, he wanted to hold Buck and to never let go. But there was a job to be done. So he only allowed himself half a second to collect his heart from where it was shattered all around him, then he got to work. His team was there, right behind him. He couldn’t be more thankful.

They were out of the building, Buck was sitting in the back of an ambulance, Bobby and Hen by his side. Eddie was aching to talk to Buck, more than anything he wanted to be the one by his side. But he wasn’t selfish. He knew what Buck needed right then, and it wasn’t him. What Buck needed was to hear that he had people who cared about him, people who would always be there for him, who he could rely on. So he let Bobby and Hen talk to Buck, then Athena – Eddie was so glad she was there, he knew how much her and Bobby meant to Buck – and all Eddie did was wait. He stood and watched, never once taking his eyes off Buck. He watched his expression shift from grief and guilt to something more content and calm and finally, when he talked to Athena, Eddie saw Buck smile. 

Eddie was still worried. Maybe Buck was out of physical danger now, but that sure as hell didn’t mean he was okay. Still, he didn’t go over and talk to Buck, he didn’t trust himself to stay composed. He’d talk to him in the morning. Eddie knew that was selfish of him, but at least it was better than the alternative. Buck needed him to be strong, he’d be of no use if he talked to Buck now, he’d break down and cry. Neither of them needed that.

Eddie went home.

As much as he wished to hug his son, Chris was asleep already, so Eddie settled for a forehead kiss and a whispered _I love you._ He went to his own room, closing the door carefully behind him. Only then, in the privacy of his own bedroom, did he allow himself to let go. He wasn’t aware of making a conscious decision to move his body, but the next thing he knew he was curled on the floor, his breath coming out in short puffs. His eyes were burning with tears, he felt them streaming down his cheeks. His body shook. He heard a sob before he even realized it left his own mouth. 

Later, when he could catch his breath again, he would wonder why he was so wrecked, so worried. He’d tell himself Buck was in no imminent danger, in no life-threatening situation. He’d stare at the wall, trying to figure out why his heart ached so much to see Buck doubt himself like he did earlier that day, then throw himself at the first opportunity to get hurt. His panic would rise once again for a moment, fearing that maybe that was Buck’s intention, to get hurt. He would remember his street fighting, how Buck knew immediately, how he paid attention. And then it would down on him, _attention._ That was what Buck wanted, needed, what he never got from his parents. So he learned to ask for it, it the craziest loudest ways possible, because that’s all that ever worked. Stealing the fire truck, the lawsuit, it all suddenly made sense. And Eddie’s heart would break again. For Buck who felt, no matter how loved he was, that people didn’t notice him, didn’t care. He would hate himself for not realizing sooner, for not being able to fix it. Eddie would sit on his bedroom floor for hours, asking himself _why_ all this hurt so much, _why Buck’s pain hurt him._

And the answer was right there, right in front of him, if he only listened to his heart.

The next morning, as he got ready to work, he stood in front of the mirror and swore to his reflection that he would stay composed. For Buck’s sake. And he would have done it, he really had faith in himself. But then Buck’s parents showed up at the firehouse, and Eddie lost every tiny fiber of his cool. 

Screw composed; Eddie had a lot to say.

What made him even angrier was that everyone else seemed so unbothered by their presence, even Chimney who must have known better than anyone what kind of people they were. Yet he just sat with them, narrating Buck’s heroic rescues, one after another. Eddie couldn’t listen to it anymore.

“Your son is a hero, in every sense of the word,” he said, his voice firm. The silence that suddenly surrounded them was deafening. He could fell all eyes on him. He didn’t care. He continued: “He’s a hero, but he had never once in his life felt like one.”

“Eddie-” Hen tried to warn him, to stop him, knowing full well where the conversation would go. Eddie didn’t even acknowledge her.

“Your son is the most selfless, caring, compassionate person I know. I doubt he learned any of that from you.” 

There was a gasp, Mrs. Buckley nearly jumped out of her chair, no doubt ready to defend herself, to find some half-hearted excuse. 

“He loves so freely, he gives everything he has to others, yet he never feels seen, appreciated,” Eddies voice was still firm, even as he struggled to catch his breath, “loved.”

He looked around. Most people have left the floor, only Hen and Chim were still hanging around. For whose sake, he wasn’t quite sure. He looked back to Mr. and Mrs. Buckley, half expecting an argument, something like _but we love him._

It never came. Instead-

“Tell us about him.”

He must have heard wrong.

“You seem to care about Evan a great deal, why don’t you tell us what he’s like?” Mr. Buckley was looking at him expectantly. He felt anger rise in his chest. These people didn’t deserve to be a part of Buck’s life. But he caught Hen’s gaze, stern, and he sighed. Fine. But he would do it his way.

“Buck,” he emphasized, “his name is Buck.”

When Buck arrived with Bobby, announcing a clean bill of health, Eddie once again wished he could hold Buck and never let go. But his captain was there, the rest of his team at his heel, just like always. It had to wait.

So instead, he joked.

“Show-off.”

And Buck’s smile was worth every bit of the pain he felt.

“I had to do it,” Buck told him, as if Eddie didn’t already know that. He couldn’t help but smile too.

“I knew you did,” he replied, because every little reassurance he could give to Buck, he would. 

They just stood there for a moment, easy silence between them, then Eddie’s expression changed. Buck could tell right away. How he read Eddie so easily sometimes, it was almost scary.

“You got some visitors,” he told Buck and watched his face fall as he realized the implication.

Once again, all Eddie could do was wait. He watched Buck disappear up the stairs, hoping he’d get his moment to spend with Buck after. But then he announced he was going to see Maddie and all Eddie could say to him before he left was: “I’m here for you if you need me.”

Then he was all alone in his house again, Chris fast asleep by the time he got home from his shift. He wished Carla goodnight, waved her off when she offered to stay with him, insisted he was fine.

This time he didn’t make it to the bedroom before he felt his chest tighten and the tears warm on his cheeks. He was alone anyway, it didn’t matter. Except maybe he was less alone than he thought.

There was a knock on the door. 

Before he could even stand up from his spot on the couch, he heard the key turn in the lock and the door opened, revealing Buck. Eddie rushed to him, wiping his tears as best as he could without Buck noticing.

“You said you’d be here when I needed you,” Buck said, his eyes fixed on his shoes. Eddie opened his mouth to reassure him that he would, always, but then Buck continued, and Eddie could only stare.

“I’m sorry, Eddie, I should have realized what that meant. I should have known that was you asking to see me.”

At that Eddie couldn’t hold his tears any longer.

“No, Buck, that’s not what I meant. I did want to see you, because I never got to talk to you yesterday, but I would never ask that of you, not when you have your own problems to worry about.” Eddie stepped closer, taking hold of Buck’s hands, he needed him to understand this wasn’t about him.

“I know, Eds, that’s exactly why I should have known.” Buck looked so devastated. He went to hell and back with his family and the factory fire, yet here he was, worrying about Eddie.

So Eddie tried to explain to him, how it didn’t matter what he felt, how Buck was his priority now. And Buck just laughed. A soft honest laugh. Eddie felt his chest tighten, this time the feeling was different. Warm.

“It’s not a competition, you know,” he said, then walked to the couch, still holding onto Eddie’s hands, dragging him along, “we can be here for each other.”

Eddie pulled him in for a hug. Buck wrapped his hands around Eddie’s waist, holding on for dear life. Buck really did need him, Eddie realized. He held on just as tight, one hand around Buck’s shoulders, the other in his hair, stroking lightly. 

“I got you,” he whispered. Now that he finally had Buck in his arms, he wasn’t gonna let go. Thankfully, it seemed Buck agreed with that sentiment, not letting go of Eddie’s waist even as they sat down on the couch.

After a moment of silence, Buck said: “Hen told me you yelled at my parents.” He didn’t sound angry, so Eddie didn’t apologize. He didn’t know what else to say, luckily he didn’t have to because Buck continued, his tone lighter now: “Thank you. Although I do wonder what you told them. My mother said you were a keeper, any idea what she meant by that?”

Eddie went red in the face.

“I showed them pictures of you and Chris, she- she must have assumed,” Eddie stammered, pulling away from Buck, “I’m so sorry, Buck, I swear I didn’t-”

Buck’s grip on Eddie’s hips tightened, not letting him go too far.

“It’s okay, Eddie.” Buck’s voice was so calm, there was a small smile on his lips. Eddie was speechless. Once again, it didn’t matter, because Buck spoke again: “Thank you.”

Eddie stared at Buck, his eyes roaming Buck’s face, searching for answers. Why did he suddenly feel so warm with Buck’s hands on him, why did his heart beat like crazy, why were his hands shaking as he reached to touch Buck again? This time, when the answer stared him in the face, quite literally, he didn’t try to hide, to run away. 

He wasn’t brave enough to say the words, so he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Buck’s forehead. Buck, who watched Eddie tuck Chris into bed more times than he could count, knew exactly what it meant. He wrapped his hands around Eddie in a crushing embrace, and whispered against his ear: “Me too, Eddie.” Then he felt Buck’s lips at his jaw, and as much as he wanted to stay in Buck’s embrace for the rest of eternity, there was something else he was dying to do. 

So he pulled back, only to lean back in and finally, _finally,_ kissed Buck’s lips. 

Buck’s hands were on his face in an instant, holding gently, his thumbs caressing his cheeks softly. His lips were just as soft, careful, moving painfully slowly against Eddie’s. But there was no rush, Eddie told himself, he could enjoy this. So he did. He kissed Buck with just a little more pressure, he gripped Buck’s shoulders just that bit tighter, finally understanding why his heart always felt heavy and light at the same time when he was with Buck. He let Buck kiss him back any way he wanted, he let Buck bite at his lower lip, let his tongue trace his lip, against his tongue, and he felt his heart fill with warmth and explode over and over. He kissed Buck’s jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down his neck to his collarbones. Buck’s hands were on Eddie’s skin now, his shirt pulled up by Buck’s curious fingers. Eddie felt Buck’s fingernails running gently up and down his lower back and he shivered, letting out a sigh. 

“You like that?” Buck asked him, his voice deep and raspy. His nails were now firmer on Eddie’s back, more insistent. He moaned. And that was all the answer Buck needed. 

His lips were on Eddie’s again, his hands never leaving Eddie’s back. Even when – after making sure that’s what Eddie wanted – he was taking off Eddie’s shirt, he managed to keep one hand on his hip. Eddie wasn’t sure if it was meant to reassure or tease him, either way he was thankful. Buck only let go to take his own shirt off, and even that short moment left Eddie feeling cold and alone. Then Buck’s hands were all over him, as if he couldn’t get enough of Eddie’s skin, as if holding Eddie forever wouldn’t be enough. 

They made their way to the bedroom, only stopping once to make out against the wall, Eddie pressing his body against Buck’s, feeling Buck’s erection at his hip. After that, it was only thanks to Buck’s strong hands pushing him away and towards the bedroom, that they even made it there. Then the door was closed behind them and Buck’s hands were on Eddie’s hips, pushing his sweatpants down and off, along with his underwear. Eddie tried to do the same for Buck, struggling with his belt buckle, until Buck took pity on him and took the rest of his clothes off himself.

Eddie was pushing him towards the bed, crawling on top of him. Their bodies were flush against each other’s, nothing but skin on skin. Eddie was breathless. For once, it was a good feeling. He looked at Buck, who looked back at him, waiting. Buck was waiting for Eddie to make a move, to set the pace, Buck was giving him a go-ahead for anything he wanted. But Eddie couldn’t do that, couldn’t possibly do something – anything – if he wasn’t entirely sure that’s what Buck wanted. So he asked: “What do you want, Buck?”

“Anything,” he replied, his voice low, “everything.”

And that wasn’t very helpful to Eddie. But if Buck wanted everything, he sure as hell would deliver. And if in the process he could get Buck to tell him what he really wanted, well, that would only be a bonus. 

So he leaned down, his elbows supporting his weight, and he kissed Buck slowly. He let his lips ghost over Buck’s until he felt Buck trying to press closer, only then did he allow for an actual kiss. He licked and sucked at Buck’s lips, his hands on each side of Buck’s torso, not touching. He tried to ignore Buck’s hard cock pressing against his, he held his hips still. Buck’s hands were on Eddie’s back again, his nails digging in and it was almost enough for Eddie to abandon his plan and let Buck have _anything, everything._

But he didn’t budge. Instead, he took hold of both Buck’s wrists and brought them above his head, holding them against the pillow with one of his hands. The other hand he used to prop himself us so that his hips weren’t touching Buck’s.

Buck groaned it frustration but said nothing. So Eddie kissed his neck, both his shoulders, sucked a hickey right over where his heart was, all the while still holding Buck’s wrists. And Buck made all the sounds Eddie never even thought to dream about. And he tried to move his hips, tried to free his hands to touch Eddie, but Eddie was having none of that.

“Stay still,” he demanded in the most authoritative tone he could muster in the moment, “and keep your hands where they are.” It seemed to work like magic, Buck went perfectly still and when Eddie let go of Buck’s wrists, his hands didn’t move an inch. Eddie nodded approvingly, then went to trail kisses down Buck’s chest and stomach. When he got all the way to his hips, he sucked a mark on each side, making Buck moan, struggling to stay still. Eddie moved lower; he could feel Buck hold his breath in anticipation.

Ignoring Buck’s erection, Eddie kissed down his thigh.

“Eddie,” Buck sighed in frustration.

Eddie traced his lips to Buck’s knee, then took hold of his ankle and moved Buck’s leg so that it was bent. He kissed Buck’s knee again, then moved his lips and tongue and teeth to Buck’s inner thigh. He heard Buck take in a sharp breath, he heard him try to muffle his sighs by biting his lip. When he worked his way almost all the way up Buck’s thigh, Eddie felt him hold his breath again.

Eddie switched to Buck’s other leg, repeating the process, dragging it out even more. His own dick was achingly hard, but he focused on Buck instead. Kissing and nibbling at the sensitive skin of Buck’s thigh. Buck’s sighs and groans were a mixture of pleasure and frustration, until finally Eddie heard him say: “Eddie, please!”

That was his cue.

He stopped licking at Buck’s skin, pulled away, and looked up at Buck asking with fake innocence: “Please, what?”

“Fuck me,” was what Buck said. 

Eddie couldn’t even congratulate himself on how easy that was, he felt a shiver run all the way through him. 

“That’s not exactly how I prefer to call it, but…”

He reached for his bedside table, taking out lube and a condom, then climbed over to Buck again. Their eyes locked, Eddie could see Buck’s lips twitch, trying not to smile. Apparently, Eddie wasn’t the only one playing a game here.

“Make love to me, Eddie.”

And that was it for him, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He grabbed the bottle of lube and squeezed out what was probably too much, but he couldn’t care less. He pressed a slick finger against Buck’s hole, not quite pressing in just yet, just circling around.

Buck moaned. The sound made Eddie’s head spin. He pressed his finger in gently, watching Buck’s face to make sure he wasn’t hurting him in any way. He moved his finger carefully in and out until Buck asked for _more Eddie please I need more._ He added another finger, his other hand holding Buck’s hip gently but firmly. Then it was three of Eddie’s fingers inside Buck and the only words leaving Buck’s mouth was a mantra of _please please please_ as Eddie’s fingers brushed his prostate over and over. When he pulled out his fingers, Buck made a sound at the loss, almost like a sob. Eddie kissed his stomach.

“I got you,” he promised.

He struggled with the condom for longer than he’d wish to admit, his hands shaking. Once he figured it out, he reached for the lube again, coating his cock, then tossing the bottle somewhere by the foot of the bed. He leaned over Buck who was looking at him with so much love in his face Eddie nearly passed out. He positioned himself between Buck’s legs, pressing his cock against Buck’s already slick hole. He placed his hands on Buck’s hips and pushed in. Buck’s eyes closed, his hands tangled in the pillows, still trying to stay still. Eddie leaned in to kiss him softly.

“You can touch me, Buck,” he whispered.

Buck let out the biggest sigh of relief, his hands going to Eddie’s shoulders immediately. Eddie kept their bodies pressed flush against each other’s as he moved his hips, his lips never once leaving Buck’s skin. He pushed in and out slowly, listening to Buck’s sighs and moans, his ear right next to Buck’s lips. As much as Buck seemed to be content with their slow pace, Eddie wanted more. He sped up his thrusts, only just enough so that Buck picked up on it, could stop him if he wanted to. He didn’t. He pushed his hips up to meet Eddie’s, gripping his shoulders tight for leverage. 

That little change in angle was all it took, Eddie now hitting Buck’s prostate with each thrust. Buck had to press his lips against Eddie’s in an attempt not to scream. Eddie held onto Buck, kissing back messily, he felt his own orgasm approaching.

“Eddie-” Buck pulled away; spoke to warn Eddie he was close. Eddie kissed the corner of his lips.

“I got you,” he said again, then sped up his thrusts even more, angling his hips just right. Buck came, burying his lips in Eddie’s shoulder to silence himself. Eddie followed short after, collapsing on top of Buck.

After they were cleaned up and cuddled on the bed, this time under the covers, Buck’s head on Eddie’s chest, Eddie’s hands wrapped around Buck protectively, Eddie teased: “A keeper, huh?”

Buck laughed. He kissed Eddie’s jaw.

“You definitely are a keeper,” Buck said with a soft smile, then added, “thanks again, for standing up for me. I really appreciate it.”

And Eddie just looked at him fondly.  
“I got you, always.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this far, I love you. Please leave kudos and comments, I live for validation.


End file.
